My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize