you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
