remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
