dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
