i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
