I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
third nipple confirmed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
