You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize