I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
