After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
