saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
