I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
