You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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