Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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