He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
