Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
