My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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