Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
