yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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