Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
