people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
