Got a toothbrush?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
