I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
