i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
