i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
