Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Randomize
