hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
