At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
