So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
