It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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