But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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