Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
