just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize