Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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