Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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