we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
