You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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