i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
