Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
