I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
