I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
