just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
