Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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