I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
