Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
