it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
