Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
