Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
