Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
