Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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