bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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