i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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