HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
