Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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