Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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