I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
