at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
