Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it hurts more in the daytime
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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