cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
