there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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