the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
bring money and cleavage
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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