We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
