I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
