my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
