Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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