how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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