Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
