Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
