"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
