you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize