Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
