i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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