I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
operation harelip BJ is a go
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
