She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
