I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
