Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
