I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
