At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
