Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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